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| AISLE TWO | - | LITURGY: a customary repertoire of ideas, phrases, or observances. | | | | THE ITEM | - | The Organics |
Don't Panic Eat Organic
Ahhh, those wonderful and pure ORGANICS. Or ORGASMICS as my buddy Jimmy likes to call 'em because these fucking dumb as shit customers have come up with something new to obsess about. A new fad on the market that assholes can occupy themselves with and pretend their life isn't shit. Another prime example of just how fucking stupid customers really are today.
Don't know what organics are? Organic produce is produce grown without the help of insecticides, hormones, or any thing else chemically designed to result in a better crop. That means that organics taste like shit, are usually smaller, and because half the crop probably died, are more expensive. And since organics have to be 100% totally free from everything, I guess that means that there's still the 120 year old master seed still around producing all this orgasmic crap.
Did you know there's actually organic MILK on the market? And I'm not talking about that soy based bullshit either (ya know, that white piss that tastes like a freshly mowed lawn). These boneheads are so obsessive about this new orgasmic fad that now they have to buy milk from an animal fed only organic grains. WHAT THE FUCK?!? This is just getting out of hand! Do the baby-boomers actually think this will extend their lifetime? What really amazes my senses is why these mother fuckers buy up all this "healthy as fuck" organic bullshit and then proceed to buy CIGARETTES! Well, fuck me!
My grandfather has been eating fruits and veggies smothered in insect repellents for all of his life and he's strong as an ox. Hell, he told me that when he was a boy, him and his friends would ride their bikes behind those trucks spraying the neighborhood with insecticides. "Can you see me? COUGH COUGH, we're right behind it!" And you know what, that guy's gonna live to be a hundred.
"Oh, God, I can't eat that, even though there's no proof that the chemicals that we've all been eating for years have suddenly become harmful, I still have to dive head first into this new paranoia." And paranoia is all that it is. What the fuck do we have immune systems for anyway? Are you too lazy to put that to work too? You know, you gotta let that immune system get some practice now and then or it will be useless. I don't care, pamper your pussy immune system forever, and when a new virus hits the scene it will be your insides that rot into liquid shit, not mine. And that's because I eat apples right off the counter, no organic nonsense for Random Zen!
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