Example? When I'm sitting there squeezing juice and everybody has to stop and tell me that it smells so good... well, I sit there and fart. A lot. Not loudly, but definitely stinky. I can't really say why for sure but I know I love it when I can fart and people have to stop as they pass me to tell me that it smells so good. Lets me know I'm doing my job digesting correctly. It's really very satisfying. Imagine, instead of having to hold in your gas or being embarrassed by something beyond your control, you can just let it all go. Then people come by and compliment me for doing so. After a big inhale, "that smells so fresh!" or maybe, "wow, I'd never get tired of doing that all day!" One day I did this so much I almost shit my pants at work (it's waaaaaaay better to shit your pants at home).

But my truly favorite time of the day is when the fuck-faces come to shop 10 minutes after the store has closed. Some of the assholes will just step on the mat, look at the sign, and then check their watch before they walk away. Ha-ha, fuck you! No milk for grandma tonight. At times, I can tell that they aren't sure that we're closed so they try to get my attention from their car. I don't make eye-contact. I pretend not to see them so they have to park, turn off the engine, and step up to the doors to a big fat NOTHING. Damn that makes me happy. Go ahead and throw a fit in the parking lot, it only tells me that I did the right thing!

You may not be able to see it, but that sign reads CLOSED.

I like the ones that bang on the glass, "Are you closed?" Oh, no. We always lock the door and shut off the lights when we're open, no matter what that sign under your ugly face reads. Standard procedure, really. When I'm in the mood I'll play with them first by pretending that I can't understand what they're asking me. "I'm sorry, what?" while cupping my hand behind my ear. And, after a now very slow repeat of "ARE YOU STILL OPEN?" - a quick response of "what?" while at the same time leaning my head in a few inches more seems to make for a convincing lie. Not to mention a store full of laughing clerks.