| |
| AISLE TWO | - | LITURGY: a customary repertoire of ideas, phrases, or observances. | | | | THE ITEM | - | Adolf Hitler Gave Me Plastic When I Wanted Paper... |
I dream of the perfect supermarket.
A place where it's a pleasure to go to work. No dumb/bitchy/mean/bothersome
customers are allowed inside. Anyone caught picking something up and
putting it where it doesn't belong will be immediately ejected from
the store. With a cattle-prod to the ass on the way out if the item
was less then 15 feet from where they got it. Referees will patrol
every aisle, two in each on holidays. A secretary will screen out
annoying phone calls from assholes like the ones who don't know when
the store closes - and when told, forget the very next fucking day
and call back. Only customers with some sense of intelligence and
common courtesy will be allowed to shop. There will finally be order!
Achtung! I said, ACHTUNG! Imagine, an ultimate race of customers,
super-customers for a super-market!
* * * *
But what if people listened to me
and my dream came true? I couldn't stop there. Not until I brought
order to the nation - to the WORLD! Not just in supermarkets,
everywhere! Dumb people will perish around the globe. "ALL HAIL
PRODUCE MAN - ALL HAIL ! It's starting to become clearer
and clearer to me that Adolf Hitler must have worked in a supermarket
as a boy. Possibly even, in produce.
"Birdolf" circa 1998
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."
- Henry Louis Mencken
|
